Batters Up

With my dildo back in my … hand, I was ready to start looking for sex. Not that I hadn’t been looking, let’s face it, I’m always looking, it was just time to actively seek out what I had been passively hoping would fall in my lap.

First things first: CURVE Personals. Following CURVE columnist Lipstick’s advice given earlier on this blog, I set up a profile that was honest, intriguing, and most of all sexy. At least I hope that’s what everyone else thinks of it. Then I put an ad on craigslist, and every other dating site that I could think of.

Not one to just sit around and wait, I hopped in my car and headed to Portland, Oregon. With its unusually high percentage of lesbians in the population, I thought I could swing a bat and hit a homo-run easily. Hot queers crowded the streets, giving me whiplash from the double-takes. I ogled, flirted, and shoved my tits in every face that walked by. I was in lesbian heaven.

The problem was, us blasted lesbians are always coupled up. Anyone worth talking to was already engrossed in someone else. I ended my evening dancing with radical faerie gay boys who flattered me with compliments, and promised that the next time I was in town they would bring out their fag hags. I didn’t take someone home, but I did have fun, and that’s all that matters, right?

Wrong. The best part of this blog is that I have a reason to be more than a little promiscuous. You, my soon to be loyal readers, need sex stories, and it is my job to get some for you. Thinking purely of my readers and not about the throbbing in between my legs that has grown over my three months of abstinence, I ran immediately out to another gay bar. I showed even more titty this time, and unabashedly flirted with everyone in site. But alas, strike two. Instead of picking some hotty up, I spent the evening keeping some drunkard away.

For being called Lady Luck Herself by my burlesque fans, I sure wasn’t feeling much like a lucky lady.

It became clear that I was going to have to try a lot harder. I answered every craigslist ad I saw, replied to everyone who wrote back to mine, and beefed up my online profiles. It worked. Less than 48 hours later, I have three meetings lined up with very sexy and interesting women. Looks like this lady is going to get lucky after all.

Article originally written for Curve Magazine.

About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming loves to put both sides of her brain to use. A writer since childhood, she runs the critically-acclaimed blog and writes for major news sources as an expert on the legal and social issues surrounding sex, sexuality, gender and gender identity. Lauren also started Frisky Feminist Press (, which features sexual education guides and classes from the top sex educators on the Internet. From ivy-league universities to major conferences, Lauren has spoken all over the country and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, educational workshops. Check out her workshop page for a complete list of workshops and upcoming speaking engagements. A law school graduate, she started Creativity Squared, LLC to help bloggers, writers and other creative types turn their ideas into practical, sustainable products or services. Lauren particularly loves helping people find and amplify their voice, dig deep to write their difficult truths, and make a profit by doing what they love. Lauren offers her consulting services through group classes and individual coaching. Lauren is currently shopping her memoir, Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger, based on her popular Curve magazine sex blog. She is also working on a diverse young adult series. Lauren is represented by Jane Dystel of DGLM.
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