Cubicle (Non) Adventure

Working at a desk all day sucks.

This is not new news. I am not the first person to ever come up with this thought. I am not brilliant nor creative nor unique. Now that that is established, we can discuss ways to make my current cubicle existence unsuck (speaking of which, check out Unsuck-it.com for sucky work terms).

1. Like every thing else in life, things are more exciting if they’re viewed as an adventure. And, as we all know, adventures are more exciting if they’re dangerous. So, I’ve decided to insert obstacle courses and booby traps into my cubicle.

Here’s the floorplan:
Fortress of Solitude, except Fridays when I have another intern there as well
(objects in cubicle are smaller than they appear)

This adds a doubly effective aspect of being entertaining for me as well, since I’m an intern and in a shared space with other interns and can therefore have fun avoiding danger myself as well as laugh at others who get hurt.

Just wait until that L&C law student uses her poison dart stapler. Hmm… I wonder if it is against the law to take someone’s property, turn it into a bazooka disguised as a hole puncher and then kill someone with it. I knew I should have paid attention in property law.

2. I have three main distraction buddies here at work. Distraction buddies are the most important connections you will make in your professional career.

Distraction buddy one is G. G is my number 1 distraction because he works (in his own window office the bastard) only a few feet from me and has weird shit to play with in his office like worms in jars and Coke bottles from all over the world. Also, he’ll chat with me pretty much any time his door’s open, so he’s an easy target for my boredom monster.

Distraction buddy two is K. K goes on walks with me in the park and takes me to the studio to listen to music and responds to my emails, although she responds faster if I Facebook message her instead. If K is not available to help me out, I can drool over the food on her blog Kate’s in a Pickle.

Distraction buddy three is H. H is a bad-ass mofo who does three types of martial arts each day. Which is super cool if I need her help protecting my cubicle fortress but not helpful when she’s too busy or hurt to come have lunch with me out of the office. But, she does sit closer to me than K, so I visit her cube when G’s just not cutting it.

Making Work Fun for Everyone

(G wants me to clarify that he doesn’t actually own any argyle sweaters – only “herring bone” and other just as pretentious and Cosby-esque patterns.)

3. When my three distractions are occupied and I’ve diffused all the bombs/booby traps in my cubicle, all that’s really left for me to do is color random shit with highlighters. Like this:
Highlighter Art

Well, that was all enough to get me through this day. Until the next time I’m bored,
Lauren, the Ambitious Klutz

About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming is a writer, speaker and motivator known for her intimate, informative and often hilarious look at sex, relationships and body-image. Lauren runs the critically-acclaimed QueerieBradshaw.com blog, writes for major news sources including VICE, Nerve, Huffington Post and Curve, and is the author of her memoir Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger. In 2013, Lauren founded Frisky Feminist Press (FriskyFeminist.com) as a way to enhance conversations about sexuality through educational guides, online classes and entertaining publications. A law school graduate, Lauren has spoken all over the United States and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, engaging style. In everything she does, Lauren’s goal is to educate, remove stigmas and encourage people to achieve their desires.
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6 Responses to Cubicle (Non) Adventure

  1. Kate says:

    I disagree with G about his sweaters. I’ve totally seen him rock the argyle before. In fact, we’ve had a conversation about how awesome argyle is! What a liar!

    K

    • G says:

      I do NOT (yet) own argyle sweaters or sweater vests (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I do own and deploy with regular menace many different pairs of argyle socks. I have for several years considered branching out into the argyle sweater/sweater vest realm, but I’m not quite ready yet–my sweater sensei has told me that I will know when the time, if ever, is right. Om mani padme sweater vests…

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