It's a Family Affair

My lovely sister recently told me that she supports my blog wholeheartedly, but she can’t read it. It’s just too weird for her to hear me talk details about my sex life. So, I decided to write a piece dedicated to her, that talks nothing about my orgasm, but instead encourages hers.

This same sister – we’ll call her Lili Von Shtupp – recently gave birth to my new favorite person in the whole wide world – my niece, who we will call Queen because she is one.

A few months ago when I visited Lili in Vegas, we talked of postpartum depression, exhaustion, and her non-existent sex life. As Queen has gotten older, things have gotten easier for Lili and her wonderfully supportive husband – who we will call Bart – yet I know they have a battle ahead of them to keep their sex life spicy with children in the house.

What’s the point of being so educated on sex if you don’t share the love? Here are some tips and information I’ve found for my sister, and I hope others out there can get use out of them as well.

Advice for Moms that need a little spice in their sex lives.

1. To start us off on a happy, positive note, Christina Aguilera says that she’s become a lot more sexual since having a child. So there’s hope!

2. However, according to a Moms in Babeland post, non-moms tend to be sexually happier. That doesn’t mean you can’t be a sexually happy mom, though. Here are the tips they suggest to spice up your life:

  • Make time for sex (orthodox Jews do it every Friday, why don’t we take a page from that book?)
  • Saturday morning cartoons are good for keeping kids busy in their way while we get busy in ours.
  • Make a space for sex: if your bed is co-opted by co-sleeping, make another room your go-to make out room, don’t wait for your cuddle cub to be out of the house- that makes for long dry spells.
  • On your next date, skip the fancy dinner and spend the money on a hotel.
  • Set sex goals–how about a sticker chart? Get 10 stickers in a month and treat yourself to something you really want- like how ’bout a new sex toy? You’ve earned it!

3. Speaking of sex toys, why not try out something new? Go past your comfort zone. Try some of these suggested toys, from the Moms in Babeland post. If money’s an issue, do what Babeland suggests and ask your sex-friendly lesbian sister/friend/neighbor/coworker to get you one for your birthday!

  • She Comes First Kit – “No, don’t touch that” may be what you’re yelling all day, but at night you should be saying, “yes please touch away!”

  • Eco-friendly sex kit – For the mom that barely has time to recycle, here’s a way to spice up your sex life in an environmentally friendly way. I love the massage oil candle in this, and the vibrator is silent so you don’t have to worry about the kids hearing.

  • Fleshlight – It’s a fact of life that your vagina may not want anything inside of it for months after having a baby. But if you’re still looking for unique ways to be able to enjoy pleasuring your partner, the Fleshlight is the way to go. I know that male sex toys have a stigma against them, but it’s a bias that needs to be eradicated. If you can bring in a vibe for yourself, why not be creative with him as well? It can be a fun exciting experience for both of you.

4. Lili and Bart read every book there was about how to be great parents, but I bet they missed this important one: Sexy Mamas, Keeping Your Sex Alive While Raising Kids. I have to admit, I haven’t read this book, but if Babeland supports it, I support it. They also suggest Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex, which I read, reviewed and LOVED, and which I highly suggest everyone owning.

I hope these help all you moms out there keep on sexing, and keep an eye out for more posts for moms in the future.

About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming is a writer, speaker and motivator known for her intimate, informative and often hilarious look at sex, relationships and body-image. Lauren runs the critically-acclaimed blog, writes for major news sources including VICE, Nerve, Huffington Post and Curve, and is the author of her memoir Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger. In 2013, Lauren founded Frisky Feminist Press ( as a way to enhance conversations about sexuality through educational guides, online classes and entertaining publications. A law school graduate, Lauren has spoken all over the United States and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, engaging style. In everything she does, Lauren’s goal is to educate, remove stigmas and encourage people to achieve their desires.
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