My Pill Popping Problem, aka I Keep Forgetting I’m Back on Birth Control

Because I was having complete emotional breakdowns and tragic bouts of depression right before my period each and every month, my therapist and I thought going on birth control might help regulate my hormones and make life a bit less absolutely miserable during my cycle.

Problem is, I never remember to take the damn thing. The last time I was on “The Pill” was 7 years ago. From ages 12-22, I diligently (and sometimes not so) took a pill every morning when I woke up. Or every night I went to bed. Or, realistically, whenever the hell I remembered to take it.

I’m not used to that kind of sexual discipline in my life anymore.

Oh are you supposed to take it out of the packaging before you swallow?

 

Because I’m single, on birth control, horny, not looking for attachments, curious, sexual, sensual, bored, stuck in a small town, emotionally unavailable, lazy, sexy and all those things that lead someone to think crazy thoughts, I keep thinking that I should go have sex with a man, or men, while I have the opportunity.

It’s not that I want to start dating cis-gendered men permanently, but I’m like that girl in college who thinks about sleeping with a woman because she’s at a party and why not, that’s what your youth is for. YOLO, carpe sexum and shit like that. As my friend Damon said, “some girls are bi-curious, you’re straight-curious.”

So, as someone who is contemplating sleeping with men for the first time in over 8 years, I’m feeling a pressure to take these pills on time. Imagine me, the lesbian sex educator, getting knocked up. I’m pretty sure they’d take away my membership card. Not that lesbians and sex educators don’t get pregnant on accident, I’m just saying I don’t want to be one of them.

They’re set up so I know if I missed one, but they’re not set up to remind me to not miss.

 

Even if I don’t sleep with men – which let’s face it probably won’t happen as all I really want to do is cuddle and listen to Ani DiFranco – I still need to take these damn things regularly if I want to regulate my hormones and not end up on the floor curled in a ball crying for a week yet again.

As usual, I turned to the Twittersphere to help me solve my pill popping problem. Here’s the advice I got:

 

My original tweet for help.

 

Don’t mind that middle one that’s about my Erotica panel. Oops.

LOVE this. Not only straight ladies have the pill popping problem.

Haha, you assume I brush my teeth. We must have never met in person.

 

I tried the phone reminder advice (and the teeth brushing one too, much to the cheers of my friends), but I always end up shutting the flashing message off, then never get my lazy ass up to take it. Even now, as I write this, I am realizing I haven’t taken my pill yet today. But do I stop writing? No. I just sit here talking about doing something and never actually doing it.

Such is the life of a procrastinator.

I think I can accurately assume Mark Twain never took birth control.

 

Maybe there’s more to my pill procrastination than the usual simple laziness. My therapist believes I get lazy when I’m emotionally blocked and don’t want to deal with an issue. I’m not sure how she feels about the pill popping problem, as I’ve been too lazy to go see her about it.

Hmm. I’m sensing a pattern here.

Ok, so maybe I have an emotional blockage against my birth control and that’s why I’m not taking it. It’s true, I’m not a fan of being back on the pill. Sure, it’s brought all kinds of freedom to all kinds of women, but at what cost? Higher rates of heart disease, blood clots (remember Yaz?), risk for sexual dysfunction or lack of sex drive, tender boobs (mine are bad right now!), weight gain, weight loss, nausea, bleeding between periods, etc.

If Viagra had these issues … well it wouldn’t because men love their reproductive systems (aka dicks and balls) and will fuck up anyone who messes with them. So why don’t women fuck up people who mess with their reproductive systems?

Maybe it’s because we’re used to people always debating our rights. Maybe we’re used to just being thankful for what we have, not demanding what we want. Maybe it’s because we’re shamed into thinking we shouldn’t be having or enjoying sex in the first place.

No matter what the reasons are that better birth control without side effects doesn’t exist, the side effects are the reason I’m hesitant to be on the pill and could possibly be the reason I’m not remembering to take it regularly.

Or maybe I’m just over-thinking the whole thing. Maybe it is simply forgetful laziness.

Have I mentioned how much I love sleeping?

 

P.S. I still haven’t taken my pill today.

About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming is a writer, speaker and motivator known for her intimate, informative and often hilarious look at sex, relationships and body-image. Lauren runs the critically-acclaimed QueerieBradshaw.com blog, writes for major news sources including VICE, Nerve, Huffington Post and Curve, and is the author of her memoir Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger. In 2013, Lauren founded Frisky Feminist Press (FriskyFeminist.com) as a way to enhance conversations about sexuality through educational guides, online classes and entertaining publications. A law school graduate, Lauren has spoken all over the United States and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, engaging style. In everything she does, Lauren’s goal is to educate, remove stigmas and encourage people to achieve their desires.
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7 Responses to My Pill Popping Problem, aka I Keep Forgetting I’m Back on Birth Control

  1. I’m the wrong person to ask–your post just reminded me to take MY daily pills! Off to do that now….

  2. Beth says:

    I do fertility awareness method now, but when I was on birth control I just kept it in my bathroom next to my toothbrush. As long as I remembered to brush my teeth, I’d remember my BCP.

    • What exactly is fertility awareness method? Is that just a consciousness of your cycle? Is there more to it? I’m intrigued by this. I’ve moved my BCP to next to the toothbrush. I’ll let you know how this goes.

      • Beth says:

        “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” is the best book I’ve read on it! Fertilityfriend.com also has a lot of good info. I’m a psycho on birth control so it works for me. It’s basically an awareness of your cycle and then either abstaining from sex on days you’re fertile or using a barrier method during those days.

        Most women are only fertile for 1-5 days each month (and 5 is stretching it! 2-3 is about average) so if you know your cycles, it’s pretty easy to manage. I just take my temperature each day and when it starts to change, I know I’m about to ovulate. Some women check their cervical mucous, too. Just depends on how much effort you want to put into it.

  3. Jessica Gallardo says:

    well for 1. ur not being lazy omg who doesnt love to sleep and well 2. if i would of known about birth control i would have not ended up being pregnant at 15.. but hey its life anywhoo….. maybe you should try the depo shot that somewhat helped me its just one shot u take every 3 months and hey less stress…..but if u dnt like that well then hey at least try to take the pill before bed lol…

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