Presenting: Queerie Bradshaw’s Guide to Choosing a Harness AND a Massive Holiday Giveaway to Accompany It!

Awhile ago, someone asked me to write a Queerie Me advice column on how to pick out a harness for strap-on sex.

Two years, multiple strap-on harnesses and thirty pages later, I’m finally done!

Photo by J. Robert Williams

Photo by J. Robert Williams

To celebrate the release of Queerie Bradshaw’s Guide to Choosing a Harness, I’m offering my grandest giveaway yet!

Thanks to Babeland (one of the official sponsors of the harness guide), Tantus, WeVibe and Wet Lubricants, I have loads of stuff to give away just in time for the holidays! Keep reading for more information.


Queerie Bradshaw’s Guide to Choosing a Harness is THE definitive guide on how to pick a strap-on that works for you.

Or at least I hope it becomes that.

Right now, it’s the first version of what will eventually be the definitive guide on purchasing a harness. What it’s lacking is all of your feedback, suggestions, bits of advice and personal experiences.

Every body is different, so the more varied input I get, the more helpful this guide can be. 

Check back often for updates, which I hope to do bi-annually. If you have any ideas, information you think I missed, or comments in general, please email them to

I wrote this guide because I am passionate about helping others find sexual pleasure and step out of their comfort zone.

Strapping it on is a fun way to explore gender and sexuality, and I hope this guide will encourage people to experiment and try something new.

Queerie Bradshaw’s Guide to Choosing a Harness is completely free and available for download as a PDF.

Some of the topics covered in the guide include:

    • advice on soft and hard packing in public
    • harnesses for femmes
    • how to choose a harness for a larger body
    • strap-on options for people born with penises
    • pegging
    • using your harness

The guide includes easy to use links to resources, advice and products, and gorgeous photos by Courtney Trouble. 

The guide will live at, where it will be updated at least bi-annually, and you can download it by clicking here.

The guide is currently only available as a PDF, but I hope to eventually turn it into a book. You can download Adobe Reader to read a PDF for free here.

You can also read PDfs on any Apple product (iPhone, etc.), on your Kindle through Send to Kindle (which you can download for Mac or PCon your Nook or on your Kobo. If you can’t find a way to read the guide, email

So go, download the guide, then come back here and enter the giveaway!

Just in time for the holidays, I’m giving away some high-quality harnesses and toys in celebration of the release of Queerie Bradshaw’s Guide to Choosing a Harness.

All you have to do to enter to win is download and read the free guide! There are also some extra options to increase your chances of winning.

The giveaway ends December 31, so start your new year with a great new toy! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*Must be 18 to enter the giveaway. While Queerie Bradshaw’s Guide to Choosing a Harness is an educational book, you may have to be 18 to read the guide, depending on your jurisdiction. Void where prohibited.


Notice if I missed anything in the guide? Have feedback? Leave a comment below or email

About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming is a writer, speaker and motivator known for her intimate, informative and often hilarious look at sex, relationships and body-image. Lauren runs the critically-acclaimed blog, writes for major news sources including VICE, Nerve, Huffington Post and Curve, and is the author of her memoir Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger. In 2013, Lauren founded Frisky Feminist Press ( as a way to enhance conversations about sexuality through educational guides, online classes and entertaining publications. A law school graduate, Lauren has spoken all over the United States and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, engaging style. In everything she does, Lauren’s goal is to educate, remove stigmas and encourage people to achieve their desires.
This entry was posted in BDSM/kink, Body Positivity, Call for Submissions/Help, Dating, Featured, Giveaway, Guides, Guides, Headline, Queerie Bradshaw, Queerie Bradshaw Merchandise, Queerie Me (Advice Column), Relationships, Sex and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to Presenting: Queerie Bradshaw’s Guide to Choosing a Harness AND a Massive Holiday Giveaway to Accompany It!

  1. Anonymous says:

    YES, I’ve been putting off buying a harness for this!

  2. Elena Kate says:

    What a gorgeous guide and an AMAZING giveaway! Nailed it.

  3. Suzy Q says:

    I am almost afraid to win. At the same time, excited by the prospect.

  4. That was so fun to read! There’s so many links I’ll have to go through later, but I really enjoyed reading it. I’m interested in strap on sex (and apparently packing! Should have seen that coming…), but I have yet to take the leap and buy a harness. I hadn’t realized how much pressure I was putting on myself to find one. I have more than one dildo, why not more than one harness? *facepalms*
    In any case, thank you for writing it and for making it freely available. I appreciate it! I’d have liked to have some information on how to determine which harnesses best suit different body types(So a chart or something, with things like “If You Have Wide Hips…”), but that probably depends on personal preference and proper fitting of whichever harness is chosen. I’m sure the links you provided have something similar though that will answer my question.
    What you did right was make me smile, add interesting photos (I spied an O2 Cush!), explain things well, use respectful, gender neutral language, not make it about any particular (a)sexual orientation, and teach me about harnesses and myself to boot.
    I’m going to stop fangirling now, but really, thank you!

    • Thank you so much for all this great feedback! While I was writing it, I thought a chart would be great as well. I found one at GoodVibes that I linked to in the guide, but it wasn’t fully what I wanted. I think I might make one for a later version! For now, though, let me know if you need help picking one out!

  5. Fodra says:

    The guide is great. I think more position suggestions would help. That’s the hardest thing for us right now, since my partner doesn’t have much flexibility in her hips.

  6. Julie says:

    This is great! Thanks for putting it together!

  7. Alethea says:

    Thanks! This is exactly what I’ve been looking for!

  8. Kasey says:

    I loved how comprehensive it was – I’m a straight cisgirl and I hadn’t really thought about harnesses from other perspectives. Such a great resource!

    Now my only issue is that I’m poor (Midori’s scarf option looks pretty low cost though….*evil chuckle*)

  9. Thanks! I’ve tried to make it as comprehensive as possible. If you have any ideas on things that should be added from a straight cisgirl perspective, let me know!

    Good luck either making your own or winning a harness!

  10. Trix says:

    I really liked the analysis of all the different materials and fits (I wouldn’t have known that you need a snugger fit in briefs), and the way that it’s comprehensive without being intimidating.

  11. Inness says:

    I am SO excited about this guide! I have been thinking about getting a harness for years and years. I’ve yet to have a partner as interested as I am, which is one reason why I haven’t taken the plunge yet, but there are also just so many harnesses out there and no comprehensive guide (that I’ve known of) to help me out.. until now!

    I especially love that you give a little background (ex: the section on gender!! alternate uses for harnesses! (I LOVE my Go Girl but holding it in place isn’t very fun)) and really go into detail, rather than just listing a few brands and calling it good. That said, I do appreciate specific brands being called out and linked to – I’d never heard of the Sasha harness. So sexy!

    Thank you!!

  12. Taryn says:

    I loved it! Especially the section about large people.

  13. Such a great guide! I really appreciated the input for larger bodies 🙂

  14. Fodra says:

    I’ll look into that. He issue tends to be spreading her legs. She has difficulty riding me, because my hips are really wide. Another issue we’ve had, is that it’s difficult to keep the dildo in. I’ve used one that’s close to 7 inches insertable, but we still have trouble. Most of the longer ones I see are way too thick for her to handle. I know we need to do warm-up before she finds our Tantus Flurry comfortable. Do you have any suggestions for a longer dildo?

  15. Bernie W says:

    Great Giveaway. I looked through the guide and think you did an excellent job.

  16. Mya Murphy says:

    As for someone who is kinda plus-sized, this guide really rocked for me.. will look thru it farther. Thank you for putting it all together!

  17. Now that I’m no longer with a partner who has a strap-on, it’s high time for me to get one for myself! I’ve been waiting for this guide, it will be super helpful.

    Also, as someone who is very much a bottom, I’m very interested in starting to play around with strapping it on as a submissive. I think there’s a lot to be explored there!

  18. James S says:

    An informative guide and a great giveaway. Thanks!

  19. BlackOrchid says:

    What a lovely wonderfully detailed guide. Pegging is something that I’ve been considering for a while and I’ve been looking for any strap on advice that I can find. Thank-You!

  20. Mimi says:

    I’ve been considering strap-ons but never known where to start. Tips are SO appreciated!

  21. afemmecock says:

    I love that you had quotes to show other peoples’ opinions. Also, what you said about loving the idea of using a dildo with a chest harness… YES! I always found it strange that I couldn’t find a strap on harness specifically for the chest, although converting a regular body harness is easy enough.
    Thanks for the great guide and giveaway!!!

  22. What an amazingly thorough guide for harnesses. As one that enjoys getting pegged, I can’t think of anything else to add. You seem to have covered it all. Thanks!

  23. so excited to read this and go shopping!!!

  24. Saurabh says:

    Comprehensive guide, excellently written and well researched. We will treasure this for years to come! Thanks!

  25. Lori&Hubby says:

    I didn’t read all the comments, because it’s so late, so I don’t know if this has all been said yet or not. Forgive me, if I’m repeating other comments.

    Oh my gosh, this guide is so much more than a how to choose a strap-on harness. Thank you! I learned so much and really had a blast reading it; I thought I was the only one who played silly with my dong the first few times I wore it.

    I love all the links and help you provide, the information about other types of strap-on sex. As a pegger, I had no idea a lot of it. People with penis wear them, who would have guessed. I figured for double penetration, but not what all you shared. For me I learned so much more than simple strap-on sex. Thank you for that.

    I really like how you’re so respectful of others gender identities and their kinky play. Very professional and refreshing to see.

    I personally adored the part about Soft Packing and Hard Packing. Have you thought about adding in about the pack and play from Tantus? I haven’t tried it yet but I can’t wait. I’ve never packed and I’m really interested in it. I know it may sound crazy, but I do have penis envy for sure. I loved the idea of a sock so much that I had to grab a pair and try it out. You hit the nail on the head with that advice. How did I like it? I loved it!!!

    You even covered cleanliness. I have never seen another guide do that and I truly appreciate it. I personally didn’t think much about it since we’re married and very faithful. But now. I’m thinking that my nice leather really needs to be cleaned so that I don’t give Hubby a bacterial infection.

    What would I change. Nothing at all. You did an amazing job on this guide and your dedication and hard work show in every word.

    What would I add, maybe a bit more about positions for beginners? Or how to introduce a harness to a reluctant partner?

    Thanks again for putting this together! May I link it up on my blogs All Things Strap-On Guide section? I really focus on only pegging and I think this would be very helpful to my readers who use a harness for other types of enjoyment.

  26. Anonymous says:

    Fun & interesting guide! I loved all the external links. In a follow up guide, it might be interesting to have some information on the various ways people choose to attach the dildo to the harness – some pass it through the hole in the harness, some pass it through the hole + attach it to a ring using the snaps (if available), some keep the whole thing on the “outside” of the harness using just the snaps + ring to hold the cock in place, etc. Sometimes the preferred method has to to do with the girth of the dildo, or the length, or whether or not it has balls, & in some cases the balls will be free in others they will kinda be covered by straps, etc. It can get complicated! 🙂 These considerations can be good to keep in mind when getting a harness and/or a dildo and a newbie (or a more experienced person with new equipment) might wonder if they’re doing it “right.”
    Thanks for this!

  27. LesserUnknown says:

    Like what Camryn and some others have said, some more tips about measurements would be super. I personally take issue with harnesses that ride too high and their cargo of cock just waggles stupidly. Sure, some people might like that, but me and mine prefer one that’s well seated on the pubic bone. Also, further elaboration on which harnesses accommodate larger toys would be wonderful. (I noticed that there was mention of several harnesses accepting larger toys or having interchangeable o-rings, but for favorites like the Rodeoh, there’s nothing about its limited capacity for girth.) Great guide! I liked the suggestion of dicksmacking things and wiggling it around to get used to it.

  28. Inness says:

    Have you already announced the winner for this contest? 🙂

  29. Pingback: Pegging How To Guide | Hi There, I'm Lori

  30. Pingback: The Ins and Outs of Pegging – Strapon Sex How To Guide | Kink, etc...

We'd love to hear what you think... Leave a comment!