Bianca del Rio is a bitch, and I fucking love her for it.
Years ago, while I was interning with Curve Magazine, I met this guy named Matt at a gay ski week in Tahoe.
Matt worked as a cameraman for Logo TV and was there to record the super gay shit that went down that weekend. Even though I was there with The Wind (my ex), I still spent the weekend trying to befriend Matt to get to his super hot (possibly) lesbian friend.
The friend ended up being interested in everything but me, and Matt ended up becoming one of my best friends.
A year and a half after Tahoe, I made my first trip to NYC to visit Matt, and on that trip he took me to a bar where a friend of his named Bianca something-or-other was doing some kind of show.
“Whatever you do, don’t go on stage!” he warned as we walked in.
“But I like being on stage!” I said, always the attention whore.
“Not on Bianca’s stage you won’t!” he said, finding us seats.
When the show started, I got why Matt had forced my hand down when Bianca asked for volunteers. She was vicious, in quite an ingenious way. She tore people apart while smiling at them, making even her victims laugh uncontrollably and forgive her hilarious, yet about as far from politically correct as possible, jokes.
Thus began my love for Bianca del Rio.
Every time I visited Matt in New York – which is luckily quite often – we’d head over to a Bianca show and dance then laugh then dance again, all the while taking shots of vodka that Bianca would just show up with and hand us. Bianca is as generous with her booze as she is with her insults.
I blame many a painful morning on that bitch.
I’ve seen Bianca perform dozens of times, but I’ve only once gone on stage after some jealous blonde at a lesbian bar stole my wallet. Bianca dragged me up there and insisted the crowd prove to me that fags in New York are nicer than dykes and buy me drinks all night.
Then she made some random guy and I have a dance off and she let me win. Then I made out with two sisters and Bianca and Matt saved me from being thrashed in a fight between the two of them.
It was so great, there’s a whole chapter in my memoir dedicated to that night.
The movie – a comedy about a New York teacher who moves to small Texas town, is fired for being gay, and returns disguised as a mean lady to get revenge on the nasty town – is going to be amazing, and you all should go sponsor it so you can get a personalized moment of hate from Bianca like I did.
Need more convincing? Check out this post I wrote on why you should support queer film, and specifically this film. Wondering why you, as a lesbian, should support a gay male film? Well, Bianca has the answers for you here:
She drove a UHaul across country. What more can you ask for?
If you can’t make it to see Bianca in person in NYC or on tour, you can fall in love with her on Season 6 of Drag Race, airing now on Logo.
But, if you’re lucky enough to be in the NYC area, I highly suggest getting your ass off the couch and heading down to The Ritz where she hosts a viewing of Drag Race followed by a show every Monday night.
Whatever you do, don’t go on stage.