Queerie Me: Does Loving Giving Blowjobs Make Me Less of a Lesbian Feminist

Dear Queerie Bradshaw,

I absolutely love giving a blow job. The problem is, I’m a lesbian feminist and every time my partner straps it on for me to suck her off, I feel like I’m betraying myself and my causes. How can I give head without giving up my power, self-respect and ideals?

 Consciously Confused

 

Dear Consciously Confused,

If you like giving a blow job, good on you. I personally love sucking things, anything really, during sex. Give me a finger, nipple or dildo to wrap my tongue around and I’m a happy gal. I even fantasize about sucking men off while masturbating sometimes. Does any of this make me less of a lesbian feminist? Hell no! It’s just something that arouses me and as long as it’s consensual and safe, it’s ok.

The same goes for you CC. For millennia the human race has been bombarded with the propaganda that certain sexual acts are inherently wrong. From religious zealots to what I like to call the feminist police, every part of the political and social spectrum is constantly telling us what we should and should not be doing with our bodies. It appears that somewhere along the line somebody or something got into your head and convinced you that putting a penis in your mouth – whether natural flesh or silicone based – made you lose your power, self-respect and ideals.

I’m going to make the easy assumption that pornography has a lot to do with how you feel about blowjobs. You or one of your fellow feminists saw images of women giving head in what looks and feels like degrading situations and you’ve come to associate blow jobs with degradation. The reality is that – as with all sexual acts – blowjobs are what you make them. Yes, putting a penis in your mouth against your will could be highly demeaning, but willfully taking control and enjoying sucking someone off can also be one of the most empowering sexual acts out there. It all depends on the three C’s: control, consent and consideration.

As long as you and your partner both have control over the situation, consent to doing the act and are considerate of each other’s emotional and physical needs, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a blowjob; morally, socially or politically.

Happy sucking,

~Queerie Bradshaw

P.S. Certain STIs can be transmitted during all forms of oral sex, so be sure to use clean toys, condoms and/or dental dams when enjoying giving or getting head. Check out this Scarleteen article for more information.

 

About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming is a writer, speaker and motivator known for her intimate, informative and often hilarious look at sex, relationships and body-image. Lauren runs the critically-acclaimed QueerieBradshaw.com blog, writes for major news sources including VICE, Nerve, Huffington Post and Curve, and is the author of her memoir Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger. In 2013, Lauren founded Frisky Feminist Press (FriskyFeminist.com) as a way to enhance conversations about sexuality through educational guides, online classes and entertaining publications. A law school graduate, Lauren has spoken all over the United States and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, engaging style. In everything she does, Lauren’s goal is to educate, remove stigmas and encourage people to achieve their desires.
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One Response to Queerie Me: Does Loving Giving Blowjobs Make Me Less of a Lesbian Feminist

  1. MaryKT says:

    Highly relevant topic. Your answer was extremely well put. Women with such conflicting thoughts, such as the asker AND myself, need to hear an argument stated well. And you did a terrific job at it. Thank you!

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