Relationships: What Do You Do When You See Your Ex Everywhere?

My ex is kinda famous.

At the time when we were dating, I loved this. I was that girlfriend that totally bragged about how my partner was X from Y. Sure, my parents and friends back home had no idea what Y was and how that made X kind of a big deal, but people in the queer scene totally drooled over the fact (just like I did) that I was dating X from Y.

Now that X doesn’t talk to me, having dated a semi-famous person actually sucks. I see Y everywhere. Which is great, Y is an awesome thing that people should write articles about and share pictures of and contribute money too, but every time I see one of those pictures or articles or donation requests my heart sinks a bit farther into my chest.

“Fuck X!” I yell to my heart as it painfully retreats, “And fuck Y too! They’re both stupid poo-poo heads.” That works for a little bit, but since calling someone a stupid poo-poo head hasn’t  really made me feel better since I was five, I just end up feeling like a depressed pile of shit.

Hey look, it’s crying poop! Via


What do you do when you see your ex everywhere? How do you handle the constant reminder of your failure?

For me, I just remember that there’s a reason we’re not together and that reason goes deeper than just “I suck at relationships.” As wonderful as X is and as noble as Y is, the whole rest of the alphabet played into our relationship and none of the words we created seemed to make sense at the time.

Or something along those lines. I don’t know, I may have taken that metaphor too far.

What I’m trying to say is, the only way I know how to not hurt every time I see something related to my kinda famous ex is to remember that I am not a failure because my relationship failed and that I can be happy for X and Y without negating my pain over my break up.

Then when that fails, I make diabolical plans to be more famous and successful than X.

And then when that doesn’t work, I go back to calling X a poo-poo head.


About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming loves to put both sides of her brain to use. A writer since childhood, she runs the critically-acclaimed blog and writes for major news sources as an expert on the legal and social issues surrounding sex, sexuality, gender and gender identity. Lauren also started Frisky Feminist Press (, which features sexual education guides and classes from the top sex educators on the Internet. From ivy-league universities to major conferences, Lauren has spoken all over the country and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, educational workshops. Check out her workshop page for a complete list of workshops and upcoming speaking engagements. A law school graduate, she started Creativity Squared, LLC to help bloggers, writers and other creative types turn their ideas into practical, sustainable products or services. Lauren particularly loves helping people find and amplify their voice, dig deep to write their difficult truths, and make a profit by doing what they love. Lauren offers her consulting services through group classes and individual coaching. Lauren is currently shopping her memoir, Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger, based on her popular Curve magazine sex blog. She is also working on a diverse young adult series. Lauren is represented by Jane Dystel of DGLM.
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