Watching The Little Mermaid with my nieces and nephews this weekend, I came to a not-so-shocking realization: I’d totally do Ursula.
Big red lips, big round boobs, big giant booty. Yum. (Have you seen the abomination which is the new skinny Ursula. So not ok.)
This, of course, got me thinking about all the other sexy Disney villains, so, in true Queerie Bradshaw fashion, I decided to make a list of the ones I’d sleep with. Considering multiple theorists believe villains in general, and especially Disney villains, are historically queer anyways, I figure I’ve got a chance with a few of them.
#1: Ursula from The Little Mermaid. She inspired the list, so she gets top spot.
#2: Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty. It’s her hat. I love a good hat. Plus, Angelina Jolie is going to play her in an upcoming movie and dayum, she looks hot.
#3: Evil Queen from Snow White (does she have a name?): She is the fairest of them all. Fuck Snow White.
#4: Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland: Again, love the outfits!
#5: Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmations: Despite that whole cruelty to animals thing, you’ve gotta dig her style.
#6: Madame Medusa from The Rescuers: I love redheads.
#7: Madam Mim from Sword in the Stone: She’s far from stereotypically attractive, but I’ve got a thing for witches. Plus, Morganna has always been a great character, totally beats Merlin, especially in the BBC series.
#8: The Claw from Toy Story: This was listed on the Disney Villain website. I figured lots of the sex I have is with manmade machines, so hey, might as well add the claw to this list.
So, what do you think of my list? Who’s on your villain to-do list?