Sex: “Nothing But Dry Vaginas Up in Here”, aka Stories of the Last Time We Had Sex

During a recent Queerie Bradshaw editorial meeting, it came to our attention that there were “nothing but dry vaginas up in here,” meaning none of us have had sex in a while. We discuss sex constantly, but some of us {cough, Queerie, cough} can’t even remember the last time we had it. To help us through our dry spell, we decided to all tell the stories of the last time we got some action. Here they are:

Queerie Bradshaw:

It probably says something about how my relationship was soon to end that I can’t remember the last time D.E. and I had sex. I know we had a fight my last night staying with zir in China, about what, I don’t remember. Was there makeup sex? I don’t know. If there was, it obviously wasn’t memorable. I know we had sex in China, I’m just not sure we had sex the last week I was there, seeing as I had a concussion and could barely think straight. We had sex the morning of the concussion, and I know it was good, so the last good sex I had, and possibly the last sex I had in general, was around February 1, meaning I have gone about 4 months without sex. Hopefully my trip to NYC this weekend will change that.

Rebelda Timida:

If we’re talking about sex in general, it’s been 5 months. But if we’re talking about great sex, it’s been a long and sad 7 months. I tried to replace the only man who has given me great orgasms by a guy I once dated a couple of years ago. It had been so long since we last saw each other and I couldn’t remember if he was any good, so I decided to refresh my memory by sleeping with him two months after my best guy moved back to his hometown. It was awkward but we both expected it to be. It was quiet and quick. At the very least, I got a tiny orgasm out of it. Needless to say, I haven’t seen him since and I don’t plan to. I’m 5 months dry, but it might as well be 7.

Jessenia Lua:

I plead the fifth!

Alanna LaFemme:

Considering I’ve only been having sex since September of 2011, I feel almost unqualified to bitch about how desperately sexually frustrated I am after a month of not having sex. But oh my GAWD…I’m dyin’ here. Do you remember what sex felt like after your first time? I don’t know if this feeling is universal, but every time I’ve had sex in the past year (almost every weekend, thank you very much) I’ve felt like I was inventing the wheel—discovering something completely new with each person I hopped into bed with, and gleefully trying out different tools and tricks and locations. After years of adolescent frustration (and a beautiful long-term relationship with my vibrator), having partnered sex all the time felt like an incredible oasis in my desert of sexlessness. But then the school year ended and I returned to my small town and my parents’ house and my childhood bedroom…so now it’s been a month since the last time I got down and dirty, with a stunningly lovely one-night stand in a little black dress that I met at a friend’s party. And goddamn, I can still hear her moaning. All I can say for my sex life right now is thank whatever deity is out there for inventing masturbation. And also…I can’t wait until September.

What about you, our lovely readers? When was the last time you had sex?