[Editor’s note: We’re doing a series on public nudity/sex/exhibitionism. If you want to tell your story, email us at info@queeriebradshaw.com. I thought I’d start us out by writing about the time I got paid $5 to have sex in public. Enjoy.]
My first girlfriend was pretty closeted. And that sucked. A lot. Her internalized homophobia bled into every aspect of our relationship and soon I felt like something was wrong with me, like something about me made her hide.
Gira, as I’ve decided to call her, lived in Sonoma at the time but would come into San Francisco to visit me on the weekends. We never went out and when we did she wouldn’t hold my hand or show me any kind of affection for fear one of the two people she knew in the city would see. Our relationship was sad and we broke up constantly.
On a particularly heartbreaking evening, I was furious with her for refusing to come to a gay club with me and my visiting friend. “No one you’re hiding from will be there!” I pleaded, “And if so you can just pretend you’re there for the same reason they’d be there: to gawk.”
She didn’t believe me. A friend of hers visited gay bars. She might show up that night and find out. Her life might then be ruined. I didn’t believe her at the time, but I should have. A lot of people’s lives are ruined when they come out. And that’s really fucking sad and shouldn’t happen. However, at the time I didn’t recognize this as an option. At the time I was newly out and was practically shouting “I’m a big ol’ homo!!” from the rooftops without any real consequences, so I assumed her fear was not justified and all in her head.
Maybe it was easy for me to come out because everyone knew I was gay. I was fat and butch and awkward and well, just look at me. So gay.
But no one knew Gira was gay, on the contrary, she was the kind of gal that had boys lining up to sleep with her. Small waste, large tits, blonde hair, an Angelina Jolie badassness that screamed dyke to me but apparently to no one else. We were best friends first and traveled all around Italy together, until one night she decided to wear nothing to bed and it all went downhill from there.
We fought and fought and, like on this particular evening, it was almost always about her being in the closet and my insecurities that stemmed from that. I don’t remember how, but in a flash of desperation to keep me from breaking up with her yet again, she agreed to come to the gay club after all.
She was, of course, tense as hell the whole time we were there and she spent most of the evening in the corner of the patio deck overlooking Market Street chain smoking. While out there, Gira made friends with an adorable gay boy couple who, much to my surprise, got her to loosen up a bit. So loose, in fact, that she even let me kiss her in public for the first time.
“Now that you’ve kissed in public, you have to fuck in public,” one of the boys said after we confided in them that was our first foray into lesbian exhibitionism. “Yeah do it,” said the other, grabbing his wallet and pulling out some cash, “I’ll even pay you $5.”
To my absolute shock, Gira took the money then grabbed my hand and shoved it down her pants. And there, on that patio, overlooking Market Street, I fucked my closeted girlfriend.
Photo from About.com, modified by me.
The boys were polite and didn’t even watch. In fact, no one watched, no one cared that we were having gay sex, including – for a brief glorious moment – Gira.
After she was done, we took the money and headed to a diner down the street to get some late night cheese fries. I reached for Gira’s hand as we were walking there and she flinched away. The moment was gone and soon so was the $5.
wow i dnt no what to say but fuk i would of paid 10buks to see that lol..