From the very first time I ever had sex to my most recent sexual encounter with a sexy younger man, I can’t help but categorize the different techniques and characteristics each and every man I’ve slept with possesses. I don’t think I’ve slept with a lot of men (in my opinion). I think my number is particularly low (again, in my opinion); however, it’s enough to remember such instances. Some men were more memorable than others and some I would really like to forget. Although I prefer to have the lights off during sex (which insecure girl doesn’t?), the light that beams through my bedroom window exposing the orgasmic faces of my partners throughout my sex life has been too entertaining to keep to myself. I decided to post my Top 4 below, all of which have one thing in common – they fucking made me laugh.
I categorize “the crier” to be more of an intimate partner. Someone I’ve actually had feelings for, other than just have sex with. There was an emotional connection between us that opened up a certain vulnerability and broke down the usual guarded walls that prevented us from getting hurt. I myself have been “the crier” on more than one occasion, but it’s humorously uncomfortable when you’re on the receiving end. Not that I didn’t care for the partner I categorized as “the crier,” but I wasn’t as emotionally invested in him at the time as he was emotionally invested in me. While he was on top of me, little whimper sounds of pleasure escaped his tightly-closed lip and scrunched-up face like that of James Van Dee Beek pictured below. I was waiting for his tears to land on my face, but luckily he finished before that happened. I bit my lips to prevent laughing, but in doing so, I ended up making whimpering sounds myself!
Oh “the grunter!” All I can say about “the grunter” is that he is a selfish lover. He is a selfish lover who only seeks to be satisfied by his partner, resulting in his pleasurable grunts of orgasms while thrusting. But if you know you’re sleeping with “the grunter” and realize it will be all about his pleasure, you can maneuver and position yourself a certain way to have an orgasm yourself. Might as well try it since he’s already there, otherwise you’d be left with nothing but a tease. My ex-boyfriend was a grunter; which probably should have been a sign that our relationship would end. All he cared about was his orgasm. In my sex life, it’s tit for tat, give and take. No question about it. Although I must admit, the animalistic grunts “the grunter” makes and the sweaty, deep concentrating look on his face can be pretty damn funny and entertaining as he gets closer to orgasm.
The Awkward Silencer
Of course there is always “the awkward silencer.” The one nobody ever wants to have, the one that reminded me of an episode of Sex And The City where Carrie and Berger have silent awkward sex their first time. Unless you get some sort of fascination with silent awkward sex, there’s nothing funny about it while it’s happening but I can’t help but to laugh looking back at it now. Everything is quiet. All you hear is the breathy noise of both your bodies trying to reach the peak of orgasm and even when you get there, it’s still silently awkward. There’s nothing exciting about it and you probably could have had a better orgasm masturbating. But to look back at it now, I laugh because I just laid there doing nothing about it, face to face, with quiet thrusts and trying to avoid looking each other in the eyes at all costs. It was nothing but a blank face of wondering when am I going to orgasm. Completely fucking awkward.
“The talker” is my favorite! Not in the sense of senseless talks about anything during sex, but the kind of dirty talk where he asks “Do you like that? Want me to touch you here? Bend over! Get on your side!” type of talk. “The talker” waits for the best reaction from me during sex trying different ways to pleasure me and when he finds it, he works hard at it to make sure I keep reacting the way he wants me to. “The talker” is probably my favorite because perhaps I’m a talker as well. There’s nothing hotter than hearing the satisfaction of your partner as you are satisfying him. Personally, it gives me a boost of confidence. And if it takes having face to face conversations during sex to have what will probably be the best orgasm from this kind of lover, then talk away. I’ve got all night!