Stuff We Love: Homemade Vagina Ornaments

The Holidays are an unhealthy obsession for me. I think it has to do with my love for twinkle lights and jingle bells. In years past, I’d only listen to holiday music and watch holiday movies from the day after Thanksgiving to the day after Christmas. It drove my friends insane.

The Original is great. The other two – meh.


This year, I’m not as festive. I miss my brother and there’s a black cloud of sorrow over everything my family does, making it hard to get in the mood. But two things always make me happy: baking and crafts. (well, and booze)

Christmas Eve, 2010


My sister and I made cookies on Sunday to take to families that have helped us out during this past month since my brother died, relaxing into our recipes, singing along to our favorite holiday tunes, decorating them with the help of my 3 year-old niece.

The sad thing is, my 3 year-old niece decorates better than I do.


Turns out, baking was just what I needed to kick-start that holiday feeling. When my friend invited me over to make homemade ornaments, I was ecstatic. We again busted out the tunes and got to crafting.

She busted out the Christmas shaped cookie cutters, but I had other plans. Screw your candy canes and Santa Claus, I want a vagina on my tree.

Baked vagina.


The question you’re asking yourself right now shouldn’t be why I wanted a holiday ornament shaped like a vagina, but why I haven’t done this before.

Me, the Holiday Queen, never making ornaments before. Me, the Sex Queen, never having a vagina shaped, well anything!, in my house. It’s so wrong I had to fix it.

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, how lovely art thou vagina.

There were also candy canes, stars, gnomes, a dragon, a Star of David, a Flying Spaghetti Monster, a snail and a pig wearing a fatkini.

She’s crafty.

Our crafting was touched by his noodly appendage.


We baked them on Monday, painted them on Tuesday and will enjoy them for years to come. If you want to make your own, try this recipe I found on BlogHer or this one that uses cinnamon and apparently makes your house smell lovely.



The bounty.


The most action I’ve had in awhile.



About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming is a writer, speaker and motivator known for her intimate, informative and often hilarious look at sex, relationships and body-image. Lauren runs the critically-acclaimed blog, writes for major news sources including VICE, Nerve, Huffington Post and Curve, and is the author of her memoir Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger. In 2013, Lauren founded Frisky Feminist Press ( as a way to enhance conversations about sexuality through educational guides, online classes and entertaining publications. A law school graduate, Lauren has spoken all over the United States and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, engaging style. In everything she does, Lauren’s goal is to educate, remove stigmas and encourage people to achieve their desires.
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