Stuff We Love: My New Showerhead aka My New Girlfriend

After five months of family time and traveling, I’ve moved back to Oregon and let me say it feels great. Literally. My new showerhead is amazing!

My New Love

 

You all know D.E. and I broke up but you probably don’t know (because I haven’t talked about it on here) that I’m currently trying to win zir back. What you also don’t know (because I don’t really talk about it ever) is that I’m an emotional wreck from the events of the past year and have no desires (despite stating the contrary in posts) to sleep around.

They’re both firsts for me. I’ve never won someone back and I’ve never not wanted to sleep around. Usually I’m the one leaving relationships, not trying to mend them, and I’m always the one looking for sex. The combination of the two has made me come to terms with the fact that my showerhead might be the closest thing I have to a partner in a very long time.

Now, before you go to the automatic assumption that I use the showerhead as a sex toy, I ask you to remember who you are talking to. Remember the 50 dildos? Or the Fling? Or the multitude of other sex toys I own? I’ve got plenty of sexual options, so why are they not my new girlfriend? The answer: warmth.

Sex toys may get me off but nothing warms and massages me like my new showerhead. While I’m sure it would offer such services wonderfully, I have yet to use it sexually, but I do sit for long periods of time feeling its hot, heavy pounding on my shoulders and lower back. It envelopes me in a sense of security and relaxation only a good hug can compare to and since I only hug my sexual partners naked, it’s the closest thing I’ll have to that in a long time.

Which is why my new showerhead (that I need your help naming) is my new girlfriend. Until D.E. and I get back together or I’m ready to move on, it’s the closest thing to a naked hug I’m going to get.

And I’m ok with that.

 

 

For those who are curious, here are some other very heartwarming features of my new place, the kind of features that make me happy to have a place all to my own to call home again.

 

So, what should I name my new showerhead girlfriend? Do you “date” your showerhead?

About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming is a writer, speaker and motivator known for her intimate, informative and often hilarious look at sex, relationships and body-image. Lauren runs the critically-acclaimed QueerieBradshaw.com blog, writes for major news sources including VICE, Nerve, Huffington Post and Curve, and is the author of her memoir Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger. In 2013, Lauren founded Frisky Feminist Press (FriskyFeminist.com) as a way to enhance conversations about sexuality through educational guides, online classes and entertaining publications. A law school graduate, Lauren has spoken all over the United States and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, engaging style. In everything she does, Lauren’s goal is to educate, remove stigmas and encourage people to achieve their desires.
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3 Responses to Stuff We Love: My New Showerhead aka My New Girlfriend

  1. Emily Cooper says:

    I don’t know. Mutiple Hugasms?

  2. Pingback: Queerie Bradshaw » Happy Anniversary Heartache

  3. Pingback: Queerie Bradshaw » Stuff We Love: Plus-sized Shopping Sprees

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