A few months ago, someone emailed me for advice on how to pick out a harness for strap-on sex. My plan was to make a Queerie Me advice post out of the question, but soon I had over 20 pages of information, much too much for a single post.
That is when the idea for Queerie Bradshaw’s Guide to Choosing a Harness came about. From gender expression to femmes with cocks, harness reviews to titillating photos of sexy queers strapping it on, this guide will be full of helpful information from me, experts and, hopefully, you!
I need your help building this guide!
Because each person’s experience with a harness is different, I want to include as many people’s opinions of harnesses as possible. I’d love to hear from each and every one of you about your experiences with strap-on sex, the good, the bad, the scary, the frustrating, the things that make you nervous, the things that excite you.
We are talking about choosing dildos for harnesses in another guide, so focus more on the harnesses themselves and the act of strapping it on.
If you want, I’d also love you to send me a photo at info[at]queeriebradshaw[dot]com to include with your comments. The higher resolution the better and please keep it Rated-R not X. Feel free to not show your face, if you’re shy, but while photos that are cropped to not show your face are fine, photos with faces blacked out are not usable. Any photo sent must have consent by all parties in the photo to be used all over the Internet.
Photos like this are fine if you’re too shy to show your face.
There are two ways to submit your opinion/review for the guide: 1. email info[at]queeriebradshaw[dot]com, or 2. enter through our raffle harness giveaway!
I will personally buy the winner of the giveaway their own, brand new harness. Best part is, they get to choose which one! The only restrictions are that you must be over 18 years old and live in a place where it is not illegal to have a sex-toy shipped to you, and the harness has to be under $150, including tax, shipping and handling.
Thank you all for your help! You make this guide and this site possible!
Oof. So far I’ve been thoroughly disappointed by the rodeoh harnesses (two reviews here: http://loraxofsex.com/tag/rodeoh/), and I’ve been pretty pleased by the spareparts harness (one review here: http://loraxofsex.com/2012/08/review-spareparts-joque-harness/). I have the spareparts tomboi (in the modal, not the swimsuit material) as well as the spareparts packing underwear. I wish the packing underwear came in the modal too, because I get swamp-butt in the swimsuit material. I fear that is going to be the case with their sasha too. Tomboi is nice, and super comfy. I find that fabric harnesses have more wiggle in the toy, allowing it to pull away from the body a bit on the out-stroke. This isn’t bad per-se, but just a thing to know.
I didn’t find that I got swamp-butt in the Sasha, fyi. And thanks for all of those great links to reviews! I’ll be emailing you to verify some quotes!
Out of curiosity- have you worn it for more than just sex? Like- have you worn it out as underwear? That’s where I’d see it happening. The Pete briefs and trunks are great, until you decide to go out anywhere with seats that aren’t made of fabric. Sitting on a stool in a leather bar? Swamp monster.
I wore it in 100 degree heat all day at Desire Leather Weekend in Palm Springs. Still love it.
What brand & style are they? The main one I have is an Outlaw Leather Annie-O Harness in black and red (http://www.outlawseattle.com/annie.htm)
What do you love/hate about them? Ok; I got it because at the time I needed a longer waistband than most strap-ons provided (42″). I have since lost weight, but it still fits like a glove. I LOVE the sherif’s badge and the corset up the back, You fee like a sexy cowgirl! I don’t hate anything… sometimes I wish it was higher on the waist to cover some tummy bulge, which would make me more confident. Other than that it is perfect.
What advice would you give first-time harness buyers? Don’t cheap out too much, since quality leather (if that is what you are looking for) does make a difference. Get something you will feel good and sexy in. It’s like buying lingerie, it’s something you will be wearing during sex. If you want to use a double sided dildo, don’t forget to make sure it can accommodate that. Don’t be shy if you’re buying in person to try it on! ANY store, even a non-female friendly one like Babeland or Smitten Kitten won’t look at you funny. It’s expensive and you want to make sure it fits!
Would you be willing to send us a photo of you or your partner in it to use for the guide?
Humm, maybe if you needed and requested 🙂
I’ve never heard of Outlaw! That’s great, you introduced me to a whole new harness company! I LOVE the sheriff’s badge on the Annie-O! I’m so excited to know about them! I’m such a cowgirl!
I’m based in Seattle, which I’m assuming from their URL they are too, and I’ve never heard of them either. Don’t feel bad.
Please tell me your experience with your harnesses:
1:My very first harness was the way too big at the time!! It came with a cheap plastic harness that felt cheep and made me feel cheep. The dildo was referred to as a DONG on the box…not a fan of the word or the look of the dong. It’s size was too big for me or my partner at the time.
2:My second experience with a harness was the doc Johnson vac u lock. the feeling of the dildo in this set was quite pleasurable but wearing the harness made me feel like I was in a scifi porno. Its hard plastic with metal rivets. I just didn’t feel sexy at all wearing it. The dildo by it’s self was useful for sex but with the harness it made my sexual desires fizzle.
3:The third Harness was the beloved bend over beginner harness. This harness is cute and fuzzy with a pretty purple and black color. The downside to the harness is the size and feel of the dildos. The dildos are kind of small and very smooth. This is definitely for the beginners.
4:As of right now we use a strapless dildo. This has worked the best for me and my partner. There is more feeling BUT the down side is that it can fall out while changing positions.
What brand & style are they?
http://www.docjohnson.com/vac-u-lock-2/complete-set/vac-u-lock-radiant-gems-curved.html
http://www.amazon.com/Black-Fetish-Fantasy-Strapless-Elite/dp/B009Y5QCXQ/ref=sr_1_80?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1372375199&sr=1-80&keywords=strap+on
http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/strap-on-sex-toys/sp-jesse-jane-twisted-strap-on-dildo-11567.aspx
http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/strap-on-sex-toys/sp-bend-over-beginner-harness-kit-13179.aspx
What do you love/hate about them?
My partner openly admits to having penis envy. I love the look on her face while she is doing her thing and it just makes sex very desirable. She feels in control and is fulfilling a fantasy that we have. I love the feeling of being in control as well, it gives me a sense of excitement to be doing the job that a man is equip to do that I was not born with. With the help of a harness I have a dick to please my lover.
What advice would you give first-time harness buyers?
My advise is to not be embarrassed. It feels weird wearing a penis between your legs but make it fun and sexy. It’s scary that you can’t feel your partner as you enter them and you may be afraid of hurting them, don’t be. Have open communication and don’t be discouraged if things don’t go right the first time. It’s all trial and error. Try out a few till you find the perfect fit for both of you.
Would you be willing to send us a photo of you or your partner in it to use for the guide?
Of course!!
So much great information! Love the advice. Thanks for the input, I’ll definitely include it in the guide!
Because mine is a bit indepth, i’m going to put it together in an email. I’ve struggled to find a harness and own about 6, finally i found one one!!! it’s perfect. by BS is Nice
Talk to you soon..
Great! I can’t wait to read the email.
What brand & style are they? I have bought 2 cheap harnesses at a local sex shop when they hit clearance. They were both plasticy and had hard front panels and were generally not good.
What do you love/hate about them? I loved that I could basically try to see if I enjoyed having a penis and what I could do to modify to give myself pleasure at the same time I would give my partner pleasure. I hated pretty much everything else about them. The hard front panels didn’t fit right and would shift and pinch uncomfortably. I also had a problem with the size. I wear a size 24 jean and despite the harnesses saying they should fit my size, they just barely fit and were very tight and uncomfortable.
What advice would you give first-time harness buyers? I own a lot of leather gear, it is wonderfully soft and comfortable. If you are going to buy a harness and know you are going to really use it, not just play with it now and then, then pony up and spend some serious cash on a leather one as well as a good leather conditioner. There are a few brands of underwear-like harnesses out there, but elastic wears down pretty quickly, especially compared to good, well cared for leather. If I ever get around to buying a real heavy-duty harness for pegging, I would likely go with Aslan leathers. They have wonderful leather and a corset back harness style that just looks wonderful as well as supportive.
Would you be willing to send us a photo of you or your partner in it to use for the guide? Sorry, I don’t own those cheap harnesses anymore.
Thanks so much for your input! I agree, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and buy the good stuff. Do you own leather harnesses now?
Congrats! You won the harness!! I’ll email you soon for your info and to help you pick out a new one!
I wrote all about pegging and harness in http://www.purplepassions.net/pegging/ post. Please say that counts? Great competition for an awesome cause 🙂
It does work! Do you mind if I quote you from that link?
I cant remember the brand it was 9 years ago when it was bought
It had leather waist straps with an anal insterable for me and a 5 inch shaft for pegging my hubby.
Sadly we stopped using it after a few tries as it didnt stay in place in me or on me , the straps kept falling off the dildo wasnt very well built as it kept buckling and drooping down . meaning I couldnt fully peg him and he couldnt fully get into the act ,
the sad part we never bought a strap on again after that experience , would have easily sent in a pic of me pegging him . ( If I win i’d easily model it in a few pics though )
That’s a bummer that the harness didn’t stay put. I’ve heard that from a lot of people about different harnesses. It’s all about finding the right fit. I hope you keep trying!
I have yet to buy one though I really want one. I have several online sweeties who want me to pop their cherries. And the more they talk about it the more I want to and the more I want to tease them with photos of a strap on. The day I am finally have extra money to buy one (or have a sweetie finally buy me one) I will make (and tell my sweeties) to read what Queerie has written. I am sure the information would be the most informative about the subject.
I hope you finally find one! They’re well worth saving up for. And I hope the harness guide helps you pick the right one when you do! I went through a few before finding the right one, and I’m hoping to save others from that cost and hassle.
What brand & style are they?
My absolute favorite harness I’ve used so far is the spareparts joque harness, which is a two strap jock strap style. I have also used the Tantus vibrating velvet harness which is also a two strap model.
What do you love/hate about them?
I absolutely love how comfortable the joque harness is. I also love that it really only needs major adjustments the first time you put it on and after that you can just pull it up and go. The stretchy O-ring that accommodates both large and small dildos is phenomenal because I hate fiddling with changing the O-rings on the Tantus harness and dealing with all the snaps and making sure I have one that fits the toy I want to use. I’m not a huge fan of nylon straps as they can be uncomfortable, though the Tantus ones are alright and the spareparts harness doesn’t have the backpack like straps. I hate that the Tantus harness doesn’t allow for a double ended toy and love that the joque does.
My review for the Tantus harness is here: http://www.insatiaslut.com/tantus-vibrating-velvet-harness/
What advice would you give first-time harness buyers?
For first time buyers I would say get something you know that you will be comfortable in and sexy. If you don’t feel sexy and confident in a harness it is harder to really get into having strap on sex. I also found that harnesses that ride lower on my pelvic bone gave me more control over my toys. If you’re hesitant because you are unsure about your personal enjoyment, go for a harness that has an open back for a double ended toy, or has space for a vibrating bullet so you can get pleasure too. Strap on sex should be fun for both the giver and receiver! Finally, relax and know that the first time strapping it on can be a little awkward and strange, don’t let that discourage you, it just takes a little practice! I can’t stress enough that comfort and easy adjustability is key though!
Would you be willing to send us a photo of you or your partner in it to use for the guide?
Yes 🙂
The Joque is a great harness, I agree. They’ve thought of everything on that one. Thanks for the review link also, I’ll check that out and quote you on that first-time advice!
Anonymous. Hi Queerie… I submitted my comments to you by email! Thanks for this opportunity!
Thanks for submitting them!!
I have a few and I do love the Spareparts but I would love to own the BS is nice harness and dildo!
The Spareparts are great. What’s the BS harness?
1. What brand & style are they?
My first harness, bought about 6-7 years ago, was a cheapie from an adult store. I can’t remember the brand but the straps and included dildo were purple, and it was made from a synthetic webbing type fabric.
The second was the Diva harness by Sax Leather – http://www.saxleather.com.au/strap-on-harness/diva-strapon/1157/Y/488 – bought about 5 years ago.
The third was the Joque harness by SpareParts, bought about 3 years ago.
2. What do you love/hate about them?
Purple harness – I liked that this harness was compact and totally washable. It was also very adjustable. I am a larger plus size and it fit me with room to spare, but could also fit regular-sized people. I didn’t like the material backing for the ring where the dildo went, so I removed it, but this meant I normally had to wear it over underwear to stop it from chafing. The straps attached to the ring with snaps so you could change it out for any size ring, accommodating any size dildo, (although only one was supplied with the toy). It had to be super tight to support any weighty toys but it was comfortable. This one eventually got old and a bit discoloured so I threw it away, but it was still usable.
Diva harness – Soft leather and quite durable, bot as comfortable to wear as the other two harnesses I own. The advertised measurements were not as large as the actual harness I received, so I had to exchange it. The owner of the website was very nice and didn’t charge postage for the exchange. I haven’t purchased anything from Sax Leather since it changed hands so can’t speak for the new owner. Personally, I found that the waist strap was too short, even in the larger size, but the leg straps were too long for me. I’m sure additional holes could be put in the leg straps but I don’t use this one anymore since buying the Joque. I did like that, once again, the ring can be changed out to accommodate different sized toys. I bought a set of steel cock rings at the same time and haven’t met a toy I couldn’t fit yet. The leather doesn’t hold odours and has held up to all the different kinds of lube it’s come into contact with over the years.
Joque harness – The size I bought was true to the measurements listed. I’m at the upper end of the size range that it fits. It is adjustable to fit a wide range of sizes, but once the waist is adjusted to me, it’s easy to slip on for impromptu play. I love that it’s machine washable and the material is extremely comfortable to wear. I’ve worn it under clothing for extended periods of time and almost forget it’s there. The ring is made of rubber and sewn into the material, so it can’t be changed out. It isn’t super stretchy, so I can’t use it with every toy we play with. It would accommodate most ‘realistic’ size toys easily though. The waist is made of a sort of seatbelt fabric, which helps to make it very sturdy and means the toy doesn’t weigh down the harness at all, but the way it adjusts, (folding over itself and velcro to hold it in place), isn’t the most visually pleasing to me. Still, this is the best quality harness I’ve bought and if I were going to buy another harness, it would be from SpareParts.
It’s worth mentioning that all the harnesses I own are the jock-strap style, with a waist strap and two straps around the legs. This means my crotch is accessible for play. I’ve found that sometimes the leg straps dig in, in all of the harnesses, and that the front can sit a little low, obstructing access to me. This may be because of how I’m built, but they all end up sitting below my tummy, on my lower hips. It can be a little annoying to have partners have to contort their fingers to get under the harness. I haven’t found a solution yet and the ‘panty’ style harnesses don’t appeal to me.
3. What advice would you give first-time harness buyers?
Choose something that’s washable, comfortable and supports the toy you’re going to use without it moving around. Don’t expect the first harness you buy to be the only harness you ever own, since you might develop preferences as you get more experience. But investing in quality is a good idea, since cheaper harnesses don’t tend to be as nice to use. The buckles can slip, they might have lower quality hardware that starts to rust, they might stain, etc. I’d recommend choosing a harness that lets you change out the toy and also possibly the ring.
4. Would you be willing to send us a photo of you or your partner in it to use for the guide?
I’d be happy to send one if wanted, although I don’t have any on hand so I’d have to take them!
I’ve never heard of Sax harnesses, thanks for the new lead! This is all great information, thank you!
You’re most welcome!