I listen to this guy I just met tell me about his friends. He goes on to describe in detail what they do and how they look. I learn about Antonio who is a program manager and is 37, Todd who’s an accountant, and Randy who is a massage therapist and almost— as if completely necessary, finishes describing every one of them by saying “oh he’s a top. He’s a bottom,” and so on.
Universally known among my group of friends as ‘the one that doesn’t pay attention,’ I think to myself if this the first time someone’s ever introduced someone else to me in such a manner? Have we designated our sex roles as a type of caste system in the gay community? Is there something to that saying, “He’s such a bottom?”
There’s an unsaid stigma within a large portion of the gay community – and the straight community as well – against guys who are strictly bottoms. People wrongly make the assumption that bottoming means someone is less masculine and that bottoming is effeminate; which in turn leads to the issue of what is masculine (which we won’t get into here). The truth is that we assume roles in bed based on our personal preferences and that there is a wide gamut in which we fall into. It goes beyond compatibility.
With the deluge of constant obstacles gay men face every day, it seems foolish to create yet another thing that, instead of making us stronger, creates dissention and puts us down. In the same way the world couldn’t exist with only doctors or scientists, so too would great sex not exist if we were all tops or we were all bottoms. Before we begin to judge each other let us remember that to every positive there is a negative and to every top a bottom.
The bottom line: happier are those men that embrace their preferred sex positions, be it as a top or a bottom. They’ve moved passed the type of shame associated with being gay that still a large part of the community holds on to and therefore have become free to enjoy their sexuality. So, to you all I say bottoms up!