So Long, Farewell, auf Wiedersehen, Adieu, a.k.a. The Transfer from to

My first blog post on here was in 2008, and it was my mother’s recipe for mushroom rice. Yeaup, this used to be a food blog called West Coast Winos. Then I got asked to write a sex blog for Curve magazine, and I jokingly called myself Queerie Bradshaw. The name stuck.

There was a bit of time when I combined the two and blogged as Sinful Misadventures, a site that covered all 7 deadly sins, but it soon became apparent that I was not a food blogger.

Sex was my specialty for a reason: I’m really good at talking about sex.

But as I got farther into blogging, speaker, and doing interviews, I realized that what I’m really passionate about is not sex perse – although I am very passionate about that – but the things that went along with sex, what my dear friend Kate McCombs calls “sex adjacent” topics.

What I really love talking about is feeling comfortable in your body and being able to know – and communicate to your partners – your needs, desires, wants, and pleasures.

I love the major impact this blog has had on introducing people to quality sex toys, important social justice topics, and fun happenings in the sex industry. It has been an honor to speak across the nation as Queerie Bradshaw, and meet some of you in person.

But Queerie Bradshaw was created at a time when I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t: an unemotionally attached sex blogger. And try as I might, I couldn’t get the depth I wanted in life from that character, or this blog.

After my brother died, I spent a lot of time thinking about my own mortality, and wondering what I wanted to put into the world. The answer shouted to me from my gut, yelling so loudly I couldn’t ignore it.

I want to help people love their bodies, heal past emotional trauma, and embrace the pleasure in life they deserve.

For awhile, I did that here at, but it felt out of sync with the more overtly sexualized and raunchy (in a wonderful way) history of this site. While I still love the things I’ve written here, it’s time for me to grow, expand, and move on.

Starting today, will be an archived site. The old blog posts will remain for your reading pleasure, but all new posts will be at

As a blogger, shedding your famous URL for a lesser known one is super scary (what about my Google ranking?! How will people find my work?! What if I lose every reader?!). But personally, it feels so right, embracing my own name, moving more towards my goals of helping others feel confident and comfortable in their bodies.

With the new site also comes some exciting new ways to connect with my readers, including:

All of this is centered around the Bawdy Love™ revolution, a loud declaration that every body is worthy and no body is perfect. Join the revolution.

Thank you all for six great years here at I’m excited to see you all over at

A preview of what you can find over at my new site (click the image for more information):






Posted in Announcements, Featured, Frisky Feminist Press, Headline, Interviews of Queerie Bradshaw, Meet Queerie Bradshaw, My Writing Elsewhere, Personal, Take a Class from Lauren | Leave a comment

Accepting Stories of Love and Coffee for my New Romance Anthology

Got a story about that sexy barista who keeps putting hearts on your cup? What about the brooding person in the corner that you just know is writing love poetry you’re dying to read?

I want to read it!

Submit your pieces now for Love in the Time of Coffee, a Romance Anthology.


Call for Coffee Shop Romance submissions

Why You Should Submit

Because I believe you have a gorgeous love story inside you waiting to come out. Also because I pay AND share royalties with the authors of accepted submissions.

For more about what and how to submit, check out

Love the idea of this book? Help me get the word out!

The more submissions we have, the better the book.

Please grab the above code and put it on your site to help spread the word!

Posted in Call for Submissions/Help, Featured, Frisky Feminist Press, Headline, My Writing Elsewhere, Words | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Stuff I Love: Sweet and Rough, Sixteen Stories of Queer Smut by Sinclair Sexsmith, plus bonus giveaway of a copy of the book!

I love it when they start to dishevel. Makes me want to tangle her hair, pull at her dress, smear what’s left of her lipstick.

I think Sinclair Sexsmith has entered my mind. This is exactly what I want a butch to think when we go on a date. I want them to appreciate all of the hard work I’ve put into making myself up, then I want them to fuck it all up in a wild rage of (consensual) lust.

But Sinclair knows I want this. Sinclair knows what they’re doing to me.


What is glaringly apparent reading Sweet and Rough: Sixteen Stories of Queer Smut is that Sinclair Sexsmith knows lust, desire, and longing, and better than that, Sinclair knows what to do with those emotions, knows how to use them against the femme-fatale, the soft butch boi, the reader lying in her bed, wishing she could jump into the pages of this book with them all.

Created from the fantasies of both Sinclair and the readers of SugarButch.netSweet and Rough is a wonderfully voyeuristic look into the mind of a sadistic butch top. It’s less rough and more sweet than I expected from Sinclair, but maybe that’s because the book’s preface – itself a great essay worth reading about kinky erotic fantasies versus actual sexual relationships – prepared me for something more risqué.

Some of it is ‘problematic,’ and I wouldn’t claim otherwise – but they still have so much value, and can jump-start our erotic engines or show us how much more can be incorporated into our erotic lives.

Still, these stories are delicious and enticing, making me deeply regret missing that one night Sinclair and I were supposed to split a hotel room while speaking at a conference at Yale. The sapiosexual in me loves the way Sinclair makes conversations foreplay, subtly bringing in discussions on gender and identity without distracting from the erotic flow.

She’s more androgynous than I am, but still more boyish than Brett, who calls herself a subtle femme. “May take a second glance, but it’s there,” she told me.

She has an eager and excited edge to her voice, and presses her leg further into my lap, twisting her torso a little to look more directly at me, opening her thighs.”I know what you mean – but if men begin to have butch identity, does that invalidate it for the women who have to fight so hard to claim it?”

Whether butch, femme, or something in between, the reader is transported into Sinclair’s world and taken along the journey to sexual satiation. A great collection of erotic literature, I highly suggest picking up a copy.

Or better yet, win one here!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Want to see what others had to say about this book? I’m just one person in a line of (dare I call us all stellar and amazing?) bloggers on Sinclair’s virtual book tour. Check out what the others had to say about Sweet and Rough:

  • September 22 –
  • September 23 –
  • September 25 –
  • September 28 –
  • September 29 –
  • September 30 –
  • October 1 –
  • October 2 –
  • October 3 –
  • October 4 –
  • October 6 –
  • October 7 –
  • October 8 –

Have I convinced you to buy the book? Great! Go to Sinclair’s site and buy it directly, where they get more profits from it. (There are also links on that page to Amazon, iBooks, Barnes and Noble, and Smashwords, if you prefer to buy it somewhere else.)

Want to help Sinclair out? Read the book then leave a review on Amazon. Whether you like Amazon or not, it really helps a book to have positive reviews and high-star ranking on there.


Lastly, remember when Sinclair Sexsmith and I answered your questions live about the sexual politics of BDSM? It was great and we recorded it for you.



Posted in BDSM/kink, Books, Crushes, Featured, LGBT/Queer Politics, Other Sites/Blogs, Sex Educators, Stuff We Love, Trans/Genderqueer/Gender Non-conformity | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Become a Citizen of Hope

On October 2, 2012, a team of surgeons at City of Hope medical center sliced open my brother and saw a body wracked with cancer. Nevertheless, they kept cutting, determined to remove what they could of this invasive leech eating him from within.

For twenty hours, my family sat in the waiting room, updated every few hours by doctors or nurses, trying to keep our spirits up and hope alive, a nearly impossible task when faced with such a terrifying landscape.

There was a harpist keeping us entertained at one point, but mostly it was horribly silent.

There was a harpist keeping us entertained at one point, but mostly it was horribly silent.

The cancer had taken over his neck and face. It had spread into his lymph nodes and lungs. It was determined to take his life.

On November 2, 2012, the cancer won the battle, but I find comfort in knowing that my brother died fighting. When everyone else turned him away, City of Hope medical center lived up to it’s name and gave Andrew a last chance for his otherwise healthy 25 year-old body to fight and fight hard.

From his funeral.

His funeral display.

In honor of the hope it gave all my family, every October 2 for the rest of my life, I’m donating to help give other families hope.

I’m also asking all of my friends, followers, fans and family members to become a Citizen of Hope by donating to City of Hope medical center.


You can create your own badge at City of Hope’s website.

Why City of Hope?

Their cutting edge bone marrow transplant procedures saved my father’s life from leukemia in 1995. Their state of the art research helps other facilities around the world better their treatments, including the one that saved my mother’s life from breast cancer in 2008. And their skilled surgeons were the last chance my brother had for survival two years ago today.

Beyond that, their facilities are stunningly peaceful for patients, they offer financial assistance to those who can’t afford their treatment, and for 10+ years it has been chosen as the best cancer hospital in the USA.

Hell, I love this place so much, I got a modified version of their logo tattooed on my ankle.

I modified this to be my family.

My tattoo.

For more about City of Hope, check out their resource page. To donate, go to the giving page.

All donations made through City of Hope’s donation page until November 1 will be matched thanks to a generous donation from 3M. 

Want to donate to a place that’s more personal to you? Maybe one that gave you hope? GREAT! Tell me what place you donated to and why in the comments and I’ll send them a donation as well. 

Can’t afford a financial donation? Send a card to someone having a rough day. Call a family member you haven’t talked with in awhile. Do something today that helps spread hope, however it may be.

Without hope, the world is an awfully lonely, sad place, so let’s spend at least this one day a year being beacons of hope.

Posted in Featured, Headline, Off Our Chests, Organizations/Companies, Personal, Stuff We Love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Depression, Robin Williams, and Me

Robin Williams killed himself today and my heart keeps breaking over and over again, not for the man I never met, but for the struggle I know too well.

My depression hit me like a brick wall around the same time I started puberty. Once a month, a giant gorilla sits on my chest making it unbearably hard to breathe, moving away only when I stop bleeding. I’ve tried pills, but they come with their own issues, issues that only exacerbate the situation for me. There’s not much for me to do but wait out the flood of emotions, grasping onto any life preserver I can find, holding on to my partner, family and friends for support.

“But you’re such a happy person!” people say when they hear about my struggle. “You’re so full of life!” And they’re right, I am. But for every light there is dark, and with every manic upswing in my life, there is a depressive downfall.

I remember hearing somewhere years ago that Robin Williams suffered from deep bouts of depression and not being surprised. I too was outgoing, loud, rambunctious, full of energy, and horribly depressed all at once. Robin Williams gave my fourteen year old self hope that I wasn’t alone, that someone else out there knew what it was like to be at once happy and sad, an introvert hiding in an extrovert’s body, someone who knew what it was like to battle the quick change from exuberance to exhaustion.

Today, Robin Williams lost that battle, and I weep for his family, for my family, for the families of friends who have killed themselves, for every family who has had to worry about their loved ones falling so low into the deep end that they never resurface again.

Sometimes, the most exuberant of us are the ones suffering the darkest demons.

If you or a loved one are battling that sadness, know that people out there know what it’s like. Know that there are many of us, on and offline, that are here with you in solidarity, any day, every day. If you don’t know where to start for help, try or 1-800-273-8255.


Posted in Confessions, Featured, Personal | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Introducing Dear Friend, Intimate Letters Between You and Me

With a million different blogs and even more social media sites, I feel like I’m often shouting into a crowded room, getting only echoes and whispers back.

I miss intimacy in my encounters. I miss connecting with you all.

For that reason, I created Dear Friend, intimate letters from me to you.

I want to send you letters. I want to send you very personal, open-hearted, intimate letters.

All you have to do is sign-up below (or here at this link).

Let's Write to Each Other, Shall We? Square

While in Alaska, I wrote so many intimate letters – some funny, some sad, some inspirational, all honest and true to my core. It felt good to connect, even if none of you were listening yet.

Now, I’m ready to share them with you all! I just need you to do one little favor for me: subscribe below (or at this link).


I want to send you intimate letters.

Posted in Dear Friend, Essays, Off Our Chests, Personal | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Alaskan Rejuvenation, a.k.a. All the Wonderfulness I Accomplished in the Wilderness

Everyone in Alaska has a plane, at least that’s what it feels like as the skies fill up with single-engine floaters every weekend, leaving from watery runways in town and landing in lakes far from here, places without roads or rails. I hear the propellers go by and wish I could take off with them, flying far away from my home and escaping into the wilderness.

Then I realize that is exactly what I have done.

Relaxing on a long hike.

Relaxing on a long hike. Don’t you love my turquoise hiking boots?!

If you ever get the opportunity to spend three weeks housesitting your friend’s cabin in the woods of Alaska, I highly suggest you take it.

My friend's picturesque cabin.

My friend’s picturesque cabin.

Added bonus if it comes with a well-trained black lab named Chula.

Chula is an over-achiever.

Chula is an over-achiever.

I did not take for granted this opportunity I was afforded, and I savored every last millisecond of the sharp mountain skyline, bright blue glaciers, wildflower-filled meadows, and serene sea inlet that greeted me every morning. I spent my days searching my soul, adventuring past my point of comfort, and exploring what this world had to offer me.

With Alex by my side, I grew up and out, built muscles in my legs and brain, and found clarity in my life goals. We lived simply, mostly off the land that my friend had prepared for us, and I spent less money this whole summer than I spend in a week in my life back in Southern California.

Fresh and free vegetables made me a happy camper.

Fresh and free vegetables made me a happy camper.

Most substantially of all, I wrote. I wrote so much. Each encounter with the natural world refilled my soul’s fuel, sparking my muse and relighting my heart’s candle.

  • I finished a substantial draft of my memoir, taking me so close to publication date.
  • Tina Horn and I started work via my random Internet connection on our upcoming guide to queer sex, and
  • Epiphora and I put the finishing touches on our Business of Blogging about Sex class, which is very close to selling out, making both of us jump with joy over how excited you all are to learn from us.

Best of all, I outlined what is next for Lauren Marie Fleming, where I’m taking my life, my writing and my readers.

There are major things afoot, folks! Massive happy happenings on the verge of exploding, and I cannot wait until I can share them all with you, cannot wait for the day I can send you all a link to my new website (oh yes, something exciting this way comes!), published memoir, erotica anthology, queer sex guide, and all the fun things that are in store – for me as a writer, for the people I help publish over at Frisky Feminist Press, and for you, my beloved readers who have traveled so far with me over the years and who I can’t wait to guide through these next adventures.

I'm at a fork in the road, and both trails lead to very exciting, beautiful places.

I’m at a fork in the road, and both trails lead to very exciting, beautiful places.

But Alaska has taught me that the most stunning objects take years to develop and grow, so I’m making a conscious effort to not rush my life, professionally or personally. Which means many of these exciting developments won’t be announced for months.

Did you know snow takes 10 years to become glacial ice?

Did you know snow takes 10 years to become glacial ice?

I can, however, tell you about Dear Friend, my new endeavor to send all of you intimate letters on a regular basis! I’ll have an official post all about it tomorrow here on the blog, but if you want to sign up now, just follow this link and be sure to check the box for “Dear Friend”. (Please note, this is different from the Queerie Bradshaw mailing list, so if you’re on that you still need to sign up for this one to get my letters.)

Let's Write to Each Other, Shall We? Square


Whew. I’m at once exhausted and enthused by all these travels, and the hard work – and even harder play – they have inspired. I encourage you all to go out and find a bit of natural serenity in your life today, whether it’s a walk in Central Park, a hike in the woods, some time spent planting a kitchen herb garden, or hugging your cat, connect with something technology hasn’t touched today.

And then come back tomorrow and tell me all about it.

Posted in Adventure, Featured, Headline, My Writing Elsewhere, Personal, Sinful Misadventures, Travel | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

The Business of Blogging About Sex, an Online Course Taught by Epiphora and Me (Scholarships Available!)

My first blog post was on MySpace. Yes, MySpace. That’s how old I am. And that’s how far I’ve come as a blogger. is celebrating its sixth year this year and in that time I’ve learned a hell of a lot of useless information about blogging. But, I’ve also learned some very important tips that have propelled me from simple recreational blogger to full-time owner of an online business.

In my new online course, The Business of Blogging About Sex, I give you those tips, combined with advice from Epiphora of, the leading sex toy review blog on the Internet.

 The Business of Blogging About Sex

As we build content for this much-anticipate course, we want to answer all of your questions and focus on the areas where you personally need advice or assistance.

To help us with that, we would love it if you could please fill out a very brief one-question form about what you want to know about blogging at

As a thank you for your help, we’ve provided a coupon code for $75 off the class and a link to some of the early content we have for the course, complete with tips on how to make the most of an affiliate account and how to use social media tools without being a tool.


Want to take this course but can’t afford it?

Frisky Feminist Press is dedicated to making education accessible for all, so we provide payment plans and scholarships for all our classes. If you’re interested in the scholarship for The Business of Blogging September 2014 online class, visit

Deadline for applying for this scholarship is August 10.

The Business of Blogging About Sex Scholarship


The Frisky Feminist Mailer is the best way to learn about giveaways, classes, and events at Are you on its mailing list? Click this link to join or sign up below.

If you’d rather just get and personal emails from Lauren Marie Fleming, sign up for that mailing list here.

Posted in Announcements, Bloggers, Events, Featured, Frisky Feminist Press, Online Class, Sex Educators, Take a Class from Lauren | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things I Learned About My Vagina at the Portland Academy of Sex Education’s Inaugural Workshop Featuring Kate McCombs and Louise Bourchier

Last week, I attended the very first workshop of the newly minted Portland Academy of Sex Education, and woah, did I learn a lot.


The Academy of Sex Education was started to provide a space outside of retail establishments at which sex educators – like me – could teach students – like you – about sexual pleasure and health without shame, stigma, discrimination or pressure to buy a product.

There are branches of the Academy of Sex Education in New York, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, and Portland, so if you’re near those towns, check them out (if you’re not in those towns, or even if you are, check out, the site I created to bring educational classes and guides about sex to those who can’t come to workshops for whatever reason).

I haven’t made it to all of the academies yet, but I did make it to the inaugural workshop at the Portland branch featuring Kate McCombs and Louise Bourchier discussing orgasms for people who have vaginas, and damn, did I learn a surprising amount of stuff!


Louise and Kate are teaching this workshop all across the country, so follow them on Twitter (@Katecom, @LouiseLaBouche) to find out how you can get in on the class (SF, LA, NYC and more!).

For a teaser, here’s a bit of what I learned about my vagina during their workshop:

  • My G-Spot feels like the roof of my mouth, the rest of my vagina like the sides of my cheeks (a proper analogy I’d never heard before).
  • My vagina has a thing for Kiwi accents (Louise is from New Zealand and I found myself excited when she talked).
  • I can massage my vulva using the vulcan hand greeting position (you gotta see Kate do this, she’s a geek and it’s amazing).

I learned a lot (which is impressive because I already knew a lot about the vagina, so that shows how information packed this class was) and the best part of the workshop was the vast wealth of knowledge Kate and Louise brought to the question and answer section.

Kate and Louise being adorable together at the SexGeekdom Portland meet-up the night before their workshop.

Kate and Louise being adorable together at the SexGeekdom Portland meet-up the night before their workshop.

So, if you get a chance to see them, or any of the other workshops at the branches of the Academy of Sex Education, I highly suggest you take it, and come with questions!

Also, if you’re looking to meet other sex geeks like you, check out SexGeekdom, a community ran by Kate McCombs with meet-ups all over the world for people interested in learning more about sex (without any pressure to have it).

Posted in Bloggers, Crushes, Events, Featured, People, Sex Educators, Stuff We Love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s #StrapOnSelfie Week! Take a Photo, Win a Prize

As we all know, I friggin’ love me some strap-ons. I love them so much, I wrote a whole guide on how to choose one (it’s free over at


So, when Good Vibrations asked me to be a judge in its #StrapOnSelfie contest, I peed my pants a little with excitement.

I get to look at photos of people in strap-ons and call it work!!

My life is awesome. But, as always, you all are the key to making it awesomeyer. I NEED YOU! To snap photos of yourself in your strap-ons and post them online for me to judge.

INEEDYOU to show me strapon

Yes, I am going to judge you, but only in an amazing, positive, body-affirming way. Because you are all magnificently good-looking, especially when strapping it on.

My fellow judges are Jiz Lee, Q and Sophia St. James, all gorgeous people themselves. I’m surrounded by beauty and I LOVE IT.

Best of all, if you win GoodVibes #StrapOnSelfie contest, you win a harness and cock! It’s a win-win for all of us.


The contest runs from June 16-22, so get to snapping photos and posting them online using the hashtag #StrapOnSelfie.

If you’re too shy to post something to social media, or if your life prevents you from sharing something like that online, please feel free to send your selfie to me at Info[at]QueerieBradshaw[dot]com. I’ll send you back a lovely note telling you how proud I am of your sexiness.

Posted in Announcements, Featured, Giveaway, Guides, Other Sites/Blogs, Sex Toys and Porn, Stuff We Love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments