A Good Fit: Defying Gravity

Today, something happened that has never happened to me before: I found 8 (yes eight!) adorable, comfortable and supportive bras that fit me.

Any sized breast can appreciate the utter hell that is shopping for a bra, the pain of which is only surpassed by child birth and shopping for a swimsuit. As a teenager, my well-meaning mother would drag me to Nordstrom’s to be properly fit for a bra, only to find out that they “don’t really carry bras in that size” and if they did happen to have a 40DD, it was the kind of thing a sexually active insecure girl did not want to be caught dead in. For years, this was the best I could do:

I remember how excited I was when I saw that they now carried this bra in pink with a little bit of lace on the straps.

Even as a teenager, I knew I deserved better than pink with a little bit of lace. I strip down in front of crowds of paying patrons and write a sex column, I need sexy lingerie! I want polka-dotted bras with matching panty sets, just like my size 4 sister got. I’m the one with boobs, dammit, why is she the one with the lingerie to show them off?

Occasionally, when I knew I was getting laid or was going to dance burlesque that night, I would force myself into a “sexy” bra and somewhat matching undies a size or two too small for me and painfully wear them out, counting every minute until I would be released from my torturer’s clasps, but the result was never very flattering and always emotionally unsettling.

But not anymore. Today marks a new day, for I have discovered Cacique.

I’m not normally a fan of Lane Bryant, I find that its styles are too matronly and square a gal out, instead of accentuating her sensual curves, but I inevitably walk into the store when I’m searching for an elusive item the “regular” stores don’t want to carry in my size. On this particular day, that item was jeans. As Lane Bryant only carries pants that rise up so high I could, literally, cover my boobs with them, I was on my way out of the store, disappointed yet again, when I noticed a cute floral print bra hiding in the back. Figuring what the hell, I’m here and miserable anyways, I decided to try it on.

Shockingly, it fit. And not only did it fit, but it was comfortable and supportive as well, and, best of all, my tits looked amazing in it! I happily bought it and ran home to show D.E. who appreciated it almost as much as I did.

I assumed, as was the case with most bras my size, that it would fall apart and quit holding it’s shape after a few washings, but weeks went by and the bra was still good and supportive as new. I was in love, so in love that I went out and bought even more bras from Cacique. 8 to be exact.

The first four I bought because they look pretty and I knew I could feel sexy wearing them. Even if no one ever saw them under my clothes, I would know they’re there and I love that feeling of secret sexiness.

And, since it was buy 2 get 2 free, I figured I’d get some cute, yet practical bras as well: one to go under my white tops without being seen and go under my low cut tops to make my boobs look good.

I even got a bra that is 5-bras in one, including a strapless bra that can actually hold up my girls!

And because a girl needs some cute undies to go with her new bras, I got these as well:

With each and every item tried on, I did the happy, happy, joy, joy dance and smiled as I strutted my sexy stuff in the mirror. I looked damn good, and looking damn good makes me feel damn good.

So eat your heart out gals, because in this fancy garb, I’m the object of Envy.