Dating Issues: I Hate Hearing "I Just Love Big Women!"


It’s no secret that we live in a superficial world where “thin is in” and “big is out.” For decades upon decades, the media has highlighted the beauty of thin women everywhere making them the mainstream ideal in advertisement. As a heterosexual woman myself, I find an overwhelming abundance of gorgeous women everywhere in the media and advertising that even I think “Wow! She’s hot!” It’s already hard enough for big women, like me, not to think we are not as desirable to men as the models in advertisement are, but do we have to be reminded of our size when dating?

It has happened on more than one occasion when while having a nice conversation, getting to know someone I get butterflies for, he drops the ultimate line I am so sick of hearing: “I love dating big women.” I sit there quietly and think to myself “Oh God. Here we go again.” Let me refresh you with some of the other familiar lines on the subject: “I love a woman with meat on her bones.” “I think big women are sexy.” “I love women with big curves like you.” etc. Now, at this point, I can totally be a bitch and sarcastically reply: “Really?! I’ve always wanted to date a mid-30’s guy with a dead end job and no car!” Or: “Thank you, Sweetie. I think men with a receding hairline, like you, are sexy! Did I get lucky, or what?!”

Why is it that men feel the need to reassure a big woman he is into her with one of those stupid lines? I know it’s obviously coming from a good place since it’s actually meant as a compliment, but it is completely unnecessary. Telling us one of those lines only reminds us that we are a big woman and we are on a date with a guy who loves big women. Which takes me back to the women in media and advertisement; I would love to hear a man tell a thin woman “I love dating skinny women,” but in all my years of dating and sharing stories with my girlfriends (thin and big), it has never once been said.

True, there is the exception if you are dating someone you met on a “plus-size loving” website. That’s when the guy can throw in however many “I love big women” lines he wants. You’re pretty much asking for it, if you ask me. But during a chance encounter at a public place, your first impression to me shouldn’t be how much you love the size of my body. I already know I’m a big woman, I’m already out on a date with you, so let me figure out what it is I think interests you about me. Don’t remind me I’m a big woman. Trust me, I already know.

About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming is a writer, speaker and motivator known for her intimate, informative and often hilarious look at sex, relationships and body-image. Lauren runs the critically-acclaimed blog, writes for major news sources including VICE, Nerve, Huffington Post and Curve, and is the author of her memoir Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger. In 2013, Lauren founded Frisky Feminist Press ( as a way to enhance conversations about sexuality through educational guides, online classes and entertaining publications. A law school graduate, Lauren has spoken all over the United States and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, engaging style. In everything she does, Lauren’s goal is to educate, remove stigmas and encourage people to achieve their desires.
This entry was posted in Dating, Off Our Chests, Rants, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Dating Issues: I Hate Hearing "I Just Love Big Women!"

  1. Eduardo says:

    personall…i like me some curves

  2. Tye says:

    You’re absolutely right.Why can’t a guy (or a girl, in my case, and they’re just as bad about it) just say “Mmmmm, you’re gorgeous, I love your body” instead of the ignorant and generalized “I love thick women”?

    Isn’t that kind of saying “Wow, I just love blondes!” when on a date with a blonde girl? That’s no a compliment, that’s a way of telling their date that they happen to fit the wide profile of people they are attracted to…they met the criteria. I’m sorry, but I just need to feel a little bit more special than that.

    And yeah, I don’t need to be reminded that I have meat on my bones, especially when it’s done in a way that makes me feel like I’m part of a particularly popular side-show circus act.

We'd love to hear what you think... Leave a comment!