Recipe: Trumpet Mushroom, Pea, Crab Stir-fry over Lemon Garlic Kale

These days, I rarely cook mushrooms as D.E. is highly closed minded about eating them. Ze says they make zir break out in a rash and feel horrible, I say excuses, excuses. But, when D.E. is away, L.M. gets to play, and play I did this afternoon at lunch.

As you can probably tell from my tweets and articles, I’m kind of a Farmer’s Market whore. I can’t get enough of local, organic, fresh produce and products, to the point that I over buy and end up with a random array of tasty items that do not go together in the slightest. Searching through the smorgasbord that is my fridge, I was surprised to see that maybe this time, my random buys would actually make a great meal.

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Dietary Adjustments


What I had before me was this:

  • 4 Trumpet Mushrooms (OMG buy these now, they’re amazing and in season and they’re my new love in life. Seriously go. Stop reading. No now, go buy some! Ok, fine, finish reading then go buy some.)

  • 2/3 cup freshly shelled peas (shelled by me the night before while watching a movie)
  • 5 chunks of meat from crab legs
  • Bunch of Kale
  • Garlic
  • Lemon
  • Burro di Buffala (water buffalo butter – lactose intolerant me can handle it and it’s rich and delicious and has a hint of mozzarella)
  • Goat’s Milk Ricotta
  • Truffle Oil

*Note: As a farmer’s daughter, I highly encourage you to support local farmers and sustainability efforts. Even if it is more expensive now, it pays off in the long run.

Dietary Adjustments

This meal is free of most allergies except to milk. If you’re actually allergic to milk, substitute the buffalo milk with more oil or, if you must, margarine, although margarine can have a distinct flavor that would throw the rest off and is just solid oil, so you might as well just use more oil. If you’re not allergic to milk, but are simply lactose intolerant like me, the lactose in buffalo milk is practically none, so your stomach should handle it fine, same with goat’s milk for the ricotta topping.


Uh, just kind of throw it together?

Ok, not really, but that’s pretty much what I did. I sauteed the mushrooms in a bit of truffle oil until they were tender, then added the peas and a pad of the butter, sauteeing those until the peas are just tender, as smooshed over-cooked peas are not appealing to the eye or the palate. Add the sliced chunks of crab and stir gently until the crab is no longer cold.

Then, if you’re like me, you’ll realize you forgot to cook the kale, so you put the stir-fry on low and cover it while the kale steams in a pan with a bit of lemon and garlic.

When that’s ready, you place the kale on the bottom of a bowl, spoon the stir-fry over it, slap a large dollop of ricotta on top and then take pictures to impress your friends at your gourmet wonderfulness. Like so:


About Queerie Bradshaw

Lauren Marie Fleming is a writer, speaker and motivator known for her intimate, informative and often hilarious look at sex, relationships and body-image. Lauren runs the critically-acclaimed blog, writes for major news sources including VICE, Nerve, Huffington Post and Curve, and is the author of her memoir Losing It: My Life as a Sex Blogger. In 2013, Lauren founded Frisky Feminist Press ( as a way to enhance conversations about sexuality through educational guides, online classes and entertaining publications. A law school graduate, Lauren has spoken all over the United States and is internationally recognized for her dynamic, engaging style. In everything she does, Lauren’s goal is to educate, remove stigmas and encourage people to achieve their desires.
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