Sex: Body Positive

It’s no secret many women, like me, often feel insecure about our bodies not only during sex, but pretty much throughout the entire day everyday. We are pressured by media to fit a certain physical description of what a woman should look like. I currently am a size 28 and have been for a very long time. And I’m ashamed to say that when I think about losing weight and getting healthy, the only one true result I look forward to is looking thin like those pathetic models in the media. Forget about the fact that I’ll be much healthier, forget the many years of life I added to my heart, forget the healthy cholesterol levels; forget all that. I want to look like that skinny bitch on the billboards! Yes, I am ashamed to say so.

But no matter how much I wish I looked like one of those models on magazines, I never let it ultimately get to me. I embrace my body because at the end of any day, it’s the only body I have. Even if I had all the money in the world, plastic surgery will never get me to look like a skinny model. This is the body I have and this is the body I will work with. All I can do is try my best at being as healthy as I can be. Everything else will fall into place.

Everyone is insecure in one way or another. Even the most confident person can have a doubtful thought about their body. Why do you think they work so hard at perfecting it? It’s that little doubtful thought or two that sends them to the gym and the healthy food aisle at the grocery store. And the more I realize this about everyone, the less I care about what people think of me.


It took me a long time to get over my body insecurities; especially when I look at myself in photos. Our perspectives of our bodies are always so different because we are in the inside looking out. Not the outside looking in. I remember going through a few photos from a birthday party a couple years ago. Since I usually avoided looking at photos other people have taken of me at social gatherings because of my body insecurities, I never paid too much attention to them. But as I was browsing these photos, I remember cringing at them and wondering why I look that way, but don’t feel that way. I wanted to take these photos away and keep them so that whoever showed them to me would never get them back. But then I realized they already knew what I looked like. They were there when these photos was taken. Is the way they see my body going to change just because I take these photos away? No. It was around this time that I was noticing I’m the one putting myself down. I’m the one wanting to tear up these photos to never see them again. And if nobody else is doing this to me, then why am I doing it to myself? That’s when I started to let go. That’s when I told myself that the world already sees me as the way I am. This is me, this how it’s going to be, and I don’t give a damn what anybody else thinks. I’ve decided to just let myself be me, and if I wanted to change my lifestyle in order to be healthier, then I’m going to accept and embrace my body along the way.

The more I understood how to let go of my body insecurities, the more comfortable I was at having sex. Before, I was the first to shut off all lights and cover my windows as much as I could to keep outside light from coming in. But the more I became comfortable with my body, the better the sex got. I didn’t care that one of my rolls was hanging out during a certain position, I didn’t care about the fat flaps under my arms, and I sure as hell didn’t for my jiggly thighs. It also didn’t hurt that my partner always made me feel comfortable with my body and telling me he likes my cushy skin.

If I could give advice to any insecure girl or woman about body insecurities, it would be to just let go. We are the ones that trap ourselves in this state of mind of not accepting ourselves. We’re the ones that let other people or media influence us on what we should look like. But it’s our bodies. Not theirs. Only one person should have a say in what you should look like without setting expectations for others. And that person is you.

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